You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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