I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
