The best revenge is premature balding
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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