I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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