hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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