who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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