Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
