i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
