if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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