i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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