so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
