Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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