Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
