Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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