I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize