she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
