She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your cock deserves a montage
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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