see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
