We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
