you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
