Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
