We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
