I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize