i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
