Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
