i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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