i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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