You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
