Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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