Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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