Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize