Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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