it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Who died my cat blue again?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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