I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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