AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was like eating out sand paper
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
