I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
