i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
