I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
