you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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