between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
