I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Come see our sink grown plant.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
