I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
