The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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