I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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