3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
