As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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