we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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