He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
