I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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