Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
COCAINE IS GR8
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
