just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
