Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
