Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
