We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
