It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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