he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize