How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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