does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
