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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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