non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
