He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
