Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
