one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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