Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
