I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize