A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
