what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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