Christians are straight up FREAKS
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hippo gnu deer
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
