Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
