Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
