Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
