I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
