You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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