I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
