The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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