It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize