Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
