i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
