I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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