That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
