the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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