he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
