You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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