They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
