It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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