you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
