It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
