my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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