I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
