There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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