Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
