It's Friday. Sex?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just high enough for therapy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize