Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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