I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
