so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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