he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
