She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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