Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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